Harry Potter fans and anyone else--What do you think?

It was pretty good, but It got pretty confusing. The jumping back and forth was really confusing, if there were any inside jokes, they were not noticable. Also you didn't explain the settings very well. When Valencia asked Ackerly why he worked there you didn't know where in the ship they were, why she was with him, and you didn't know that her mother was there too until she started getting angry. I got completely lost in the whole scene in the Leaky Cauldron, and the last Paragraph was REALLY confusing. The overall writing was fine, and the beginings needs some refining. Once again settings and places need to be metioned more throughout the story, and by that I mean before they're actually necessary as part of the plot. For example you might have mentioned why they were at the Lockhart mansion at the begining. You can kinda guess, but it gets easily confused with Gilderoy Lockharts mansion not his brothers. So yeah, needs refining, I didin't get any inside jokes, if they were meant to be there, they were virtually unnoticable to anyone who didn't know them already. Theres my two cents on your story.